Love is like taking a dump

Sometimes you have to give it a hard, slimy push.

Love is in the air at South Park Elementary when a new girl moves to town. As soon as the boys learn she is a cheerleader, they can't wait to see her. All of the boys in the school wait outside cheerleading practice to catch a glimpse. She is a beautiful black girl, named Nichole.

Of course, Cartman feels that Token would be the perfect match for her.

Eric Cartman and his sidekick, Cupid Me, are determined to make Token and Nichole an item. When he learns that Nichole actually has a crush on Kyle, he sets out to make sure they never hook up.

Cartman tells Nichole that he and Kyle are together, even though Kyle isn't as "out" as he is. When they are alone together, Kyle is the best boyfriend Cartman ever had. Nichole respects this and promises not to go after his boyfriend.

Then Cartman plots to make Token and Nichole fall in love. He locks them in the boy's locker room together, and leaves them with a deli platter and some massage oil. After a night alone, they announce that they are dating.

When Nichole's parents discover that she is dating a black boy, they are disappointed. Her father makes it clear that black people don't have to date within their own race. Just because they share the same ethnicity, it doesn't mean they have to end up together.

Nichole soon becomes uncomfortable with the relationship and breaks things off. Token is heartbroken, but Kyle takes this chance to make a move on her. However, when Cartman declares his gay love for Kyle by serenading him to I Swear, his intentions go unnoticed. No one wants to get in the way of these "boyfriends."

So, how does it all end? Leave it up to Cupid Me to find the right lady for Cartman and reignite a love that should be. Beginning on May 25, you can watch it all here.


Ziplining is only fun when there's an iPod Nano involved

Tour groups ruin it for everyone.

Spring break has whizzed by for the boys in South Park. When they realize that their break was spent playing video games and watching television, the boys decide to do something really cool on the last day of their vacation. The city pool is out, since Cartman doesn't want to catch Kenny's herpes, which only girls call a cold sore. Someone mentions ziplining as a exciting adventure, and the boys jump on this choice, unaware of what it about to happen.

Mimicking the narration of Animal Planet's I Shouldn't Be Alive, we are told the graphic story of ziplining, which took place over four hours in the Colorado Rockies. The boys each give their personal tales of what happened that fateful day.

Everyone is initially pumped about ziplining through the mountains, but after arriving at the location, they soon learn that they will share their adventure with a tour group. The idea of pretending to care about other people for a day dampers the adrenaline rush the boys once felt. After watching a boring ziplining safety video, everyone is crammed into a shuttle bus. The bus ride is an additional 45 minute of pure torture.

All this time, Cartman is fueling his system with various forms of Mountain Dew, which when mixed with multiple fast food items, creates a fecal nightmare. Just ask Kyle, who must smell his releases each time.

When it's finally time to zipline, the boys are bored beyond belief. They no longer find it exciting and are willing to do anything to get out of there. What follows is a series of even more boring activities and worse tour groups.

The South Park creators take a detour from regular animation and feature a real life scene at the end. We are introduced to four human actors that play the boys in a boat scene. I found it hysterical to see Kyle, Stan, Kenny and Cartman as real people trapped on a slow moving boat. There is even a diarrhea reenactment that made me spit my Diet Double Dew across the room.

We soon learn that the boy who suggested ziplining only did it for a free iPod Nano. Talk about selling out your friends. It's also not wise to share your Double Dew with someone who has herpes...I mean a fever blister.

How will the boys ever escape this terrifying ordeal? Let's just say it involves a 7-turdy-7 airplane, a helicraptor and Mr. Hanky. Still confused? Then simply watch it for yourself.

This is my favorite episode this season. Perhaps this is a sign of even better things to come.


Don't be such a baby you stupid butterballs!

What are you going to do...cry?

With a title as hysterical as Butterballs, I thought this would be a roll-on-the-floor, side-splitting episode. Unfortunately for me, it was neither. Sure, I laughed out loud on several occasions, but I felt that some of the jokes were overdone. It had so much potential. Why didn't it deliver?

Come on Parker and Stone - give me an episode that will make me wet myself. What are you, chicken?

I knew that Butterballs would center around my favorite boy, Butters, but I also though it would have something to do with food and getting fat. Boy, I was way off target. Instead, the South Park creators decided to tackle an epidemic in America: bullying.

It turns out that Butters is getting bulled on a regular basis by someone. He shows up to school with a black eye. The kids tell him to let an adult know, but he doesn't want to be a tattle-tale or an anonymous Andy. Instead he lives in fear. Later that evening, Butters is at home and asks to speak with his Grandma alone. I assumed he wanted to ask her about bullying, but this is where things get crazy.

Instead, we learn that Grandma is Butters' bully. She calls him all sorts of nasty names, dropping the F-bomb left and right. After she smacks him around for a little bit, Butters just cries like a little baby. There's nothing like a bully in geriatric clothing.

Meanwhile, at the school, Mr. Mackey is visited by an expert from Bully Buckers. This anti-bullying professional, Bucky Baily, actually bullies Mr. Mackey into holding a mandatory assembly about bullying. I did enjoy the bullying as a tool to promote anti-bullying.

The episode then shows almost every person in South Park bullying another - mainly in the boy's restroom. This joke became tired, in my opinion. It was always the same. At one point, Jesus Christ is the bathroom bully, but I really thought that scene could have been funnier.

Sure, there was an amazing anti-bullying song thrown in there. "Let's make bullying kill itself!" I didn't realize it at first, but it was created to look like a video that a high school in Texas shot as a stand against bullying. Still not really sure why Butters was naked in a glass cube, however. Cartman appeared in the video, dressed in drag, and singing about his va-jay-jay. Doesn't really fit with bullying, but it was the highlight of this musical number.

Perhaps the best part of Butterballs was Kyle repeatedly telling Stan he was going to end up "jacking it in San Diego." It took me a few references to realize that this pun referred to the Kony 2012 incident. At the end, there is a great montage and song of Stan ripping off his clothes and shaking is cartoon booty - presumably "jacking it in San Diego."

So, don't be such a whiny baby with butterballs, and watch the episode here.

Are you scared of the Jewpacabra?

This year, both Easter and Passover fall during the same week. What a perfect opportunity for the creators of South Park to poke fun at both holidays. Anyone who loves the religious jokes of this creative duo better empty their bladder before watching this episode.

As the Jewish resident of South Park, Kyle is surprised to find Cartman speaking to his mom about Passover one morning. Is Eric just curious about this religious holiday, or does he have something else up his sleeve?

As it turns out, Cartman is ready to spread a warning about the Jewpacabra to everyone. The Jewpacabra is a scary beast that likes to ruin all the happiness of Easter. This creature only attacks those that believe in Jesus Christ - Jews are safe from him. According to Eric, this monster is like the Sasquatch, except much more dangerous and greedy. Who will believe these tales?

Butters, that's who. Oh, how I love Butters. I think everyone knows a person that is almost as naive and impressionable as this yellowed-haired boy. He can't sleep because the fear of being attacked by Jewpacabra is taking over his thoughts. To put his mind at ease, Cartman decides to take Butters on a Jewpacabra hunt. It takes a lot of coaxing and denying of Jesus, but they finally get footage of the beast, or maybe a dog, running through the forest.

When Cartman takes this footage to the local grocery store, who holds an Easter egg hunt every year, they are very concerned. They cannot let this creature wreak havoc on this religious day. After all, there is a 0.000000001 percent chance that the Jewpacabra actually exists, and that's a risk no one is willing to take.

Somehow in the mist of the following events, Cartman begins to believe his own folklore. When he is placed as bait for the Jewpacabra, will the blood of a freshly killed chicken be enough to bring the beast out of hiding? Will Cartman live to find Easter eggs in the morning? After a series of plagues and a duet between Cartman and Pharaoh, we finally get our answer.

Curious to find out how it all ends? You can watch the episode online here. You will never take Easter morning for granted again.

Did 'Cash for Gold' Hit the Jackpot?

Ever click past those 24-hour jewelry shopping networks late at night? Did you sit there amazed that someone would actually buy the ugly junk they were selling? If so, then this weeks "Cash for Gold" episode might be right up your alley. The South Park creators not only showed how the elderly are taken advantage of on a daily basis, but they also demonstrated how our own actions create a circle of never-ending cheap products.

When Stan receives a hideous bolo necktie from his grandfather, he decides he wants to sell it. He cannot believe that is grandfather would spend thousands of dollars on a gold, diamond and turquoise bolo. The boys head out to find a few of those "cash for gold" buyers that are constantly advertised these days.

The first buyer only offers Stan $15 for the bolo. He refuses the offer and wonders where he should head next. To his luck, there is another cash for gold dealer right next door. This one offers even less - $8. Where else can they sell this bolo? Why, Taco Bell, of course! The cashier at the Taco Bell offers Stan a 7-layer burrito in exchange for the bolo, and he won't go any higher - perhaps the funniest moment in the episode.

Where did Stan's grandfather find such an ugly bolo? It turns out that his grandfather, along with every other person over the age of 60, is addicted to watching Jewel Bonanza with Dean. The host, presumably named Dean, tricks the elderly into buying the cheapest rings and necklaces for a huge profit. My favorite item for sale was the "Genuine Faux Sapphire." I almost fell off the couch in laughter with that one.

Stan is determined to find out who is responsible for creating this cheap jewelry. In the end, it all turns out to be a huge retail circle. The crappy jewelry is melted and sent to India. Indian sweatshops create the jewelry pieces. They are shipped to the U.S., where they are sold on those jewelry channels. Old people buy the items and give them away as gifts. The recipient of the gift takes it to a cash for gold buyer for money. The gold is melted, and the cycle starts once again.

While all this is going on, Eric Cartman decides to get in on the action. He can never turn down a good business opportunity. Cartman starts up his own "Old People Shopping Network," selling even crappier jewelry to his elderly clientele. Did anyone else think the emerald ring looked suspiciously like a Ring Pop?

I don't want to give away too much, but you have to see how this one ends. Excellent. While this was not my favorite episode by any stretch of the imagination, it was very accurate to our current social times. Want to see how it ends? You can watch it at the South Park website.

South Park Tackles Battle of the Sexes Household version

Season 16 premiere takes off South park Style

Following South parks season 16 premiere Reverse Cowgirl you have to admit that some part of it crept into some remembrance of your own. Toilet bowl seats have been a battle that has gone on at some point either in relationship form or possible way back into your sibling memories. Everyone at least once in their lives has had the infamous toilet seat battle.

Reverse Cowgirl starts out with Clyde being scolded by his mother in full screaming form over the toilet seat being left up, naturally he had a full South Park audience consisting of Kenny, Stan, Kyle and Cartman. As you can imagine Cartman went into full Cartman form the following day in class while humiliating Clyde. Clyde’s mother later dies by Toilet seat. Yes she did in fact fall in. The dreaded threat that women everywhere have echoed finally came true.

Our expectations of South Park would’ve left us  all upset if the antics stopped there so the fun and insanity went continued on. Seatbelts were created for toilet safety so that other tragic accidents could be prevented. The toilet creator returned from the dead to answer for his crimes of creation. All in all each passing moment added more humor, excitement and South Park fun.

The wait for South Park to return with season 16 was extremely long or so it seemed. If the rest of season 16 is anything like the premier then I’d have to say that the wait was well worth the weeks of laughter that are certain to follow. In the rare case that you missed the premiere this week then as always you can view it at South Park.

'Reverse Cowgirl' is Proper Toilet Etiquette

Season 16 Starts Off With a Big Flush

Season 16 of South Park started this week with a lot of toilet humor...literally. The first episode "Reverse Cowgirl" gives us more toilet flushing jokes than I think we have ever seen on the show.

The episode starts off with Clyde being scolded by his mother for leaving the toilet seat up. She tells him time and time again that he has to put it down, or she'll end up with toilet water on her...erm...lady parts. Cartman witnesses this and proceeds to tell all of the kids at school. Still, Clyde forgets to put the seat down on yet another occasion.

This time, Clyde's mom is not so lucky. She didn't realize the seat was up and fell in. By the time Clyde gets to the bathroom, his mom is in bad shape. She finally tells the paramedics that she's ready for the suffering to end. They flush the toilet, in turn ripping out all of her vital organs. Clyde is responsible for his mother's death.

Now the government must step in to make sure that toilets are used safely. The Toilet Safety Association is formed to make sure that all users know how to be safe while dropping a deuce. The "TSA" visually inspects all incoming bottoms before they are allowed to use the toilet. When they install a security camera, all users are assured that only one person, in an undisclosed location, could see them. Of course, this TSA worker is shown with a bottle of hand lotion while he is watching the closed circuit feeds.

On the other side of town, the boys decide to sue the inventor of the toilet, John Harrington, who has been dead for centuries. You can only sue the dead through a "sue-ance."

As the story unfolds, we soon learn that we have all been using the toilet incorrectly. It was invented to be ridden "reverse cowgirl." Ironically enough, Butters was the only person in South Park who always went to the bathroom in this position.

So there we have it - an episode full of TSA attacks, money-hungry lawyers, and puns about sex positions. Not the funniest episode ever, but certainly a fun way to start off the season. Be careful not to fall in the next time you need to drop the kids off at the pool.

South Park at Your Wedding?

You know that you're a diehard South Park fan when the characters show up at the most important day of your life - your wedding. While most couples prefer a traditional, classic theme to their big day, there are more daring couples popping up that choose to make it a funny day.

Are you a big enough fan to make your wedding day a South Park event?

Perhaps the simplest way to incorporate South Park into your wedding is by including the boys on your wedding cake. Imagine tiers of raspberry-filling white cake with Eric Cartman climbing up the sides. You might even want to include a dead Kenny on the groom's cake. Sound like fun?

If you thought you were the only one who wanted a South Park themed wedding, you're wrong. There is actually a company that specializes in creating one-of-a-kind South Park wedding cake toppers. That's right, the bride and groom sitting at the top of your cake can look like children from South Park. The owner of this company will create the toppers in your likeness. If you want, they will even include the other characters from the show on your cake. Your guests will be blown away by the creativity of your cake.

I wish that I had found this idea before I got married. We didn't do a serious ceremony. Instead, we decided that we should stay true to ourselves by having a lighthearted event. I can only imagine how much more fun we would've had by cutting slices of wedding cake covered in the South Park boys. If someone cut the Kenny fondant figure in half, I would have shouted out, "You killed Kenny! You bas****!"

Where Did My Underpants Go?

Beware the Underpants Gnomes

Does anyone remember the Underpants Gnomes from season two? Although we have not heard from this hard working group in a long time, I thought about them the other day while doing some laundry. I could have sworn that a specific pair of underpants went into the washer, but they didn't reappear after the spin cycle. Do you think that the Underpants Gnomes stole them for profit?

In these rough economic times, we can all learn something from the work savvy Underpants Gnomes. After all, they are entrepreneurs that are looking for a successful business adventure. Their business plan looks pretty fool-proof too:

"Phase 1: Collect Underpants

Phase 2: ?

Phase 3: Profit"

Their business model is actually similar to many that I've come across in my time: Find a plan of action; have no clue how to actually put it into action; somehow come up with a successful company. Is that why so many of our corporations are corrupt?

I personally do not see why they really need to define Phase 2 anyway. Who cares what they do with the underpants? They don't need to be responsible with their company....unless they decide to go public or pay their CEO's a huge sum of money under the table.

Who could these little gnomes actually hurt? The people - that's who! I'm tired of putting dirty underpants into my hamper, only to find them gone by morning. No matter how much I invest into my underpants collection, I never get ahead. Someone needs to stop these gnomes before they actually get to Phase 3. You know they won't be sharing that profit with the little guy that helped them out by providing a stock of underpants. Once they have the underpants monopoly, no other underpants companies will survive!

Confused? Well, you should be. That's what they want. By making you wonder what is so important about underpants, they are able to get into your head. You are then more likely to invest yourself into their services.

But my tin foil hat is starting to hurt, so I need to let these Underpants Gnomes just go on with their plan...

Creating a South Park Birthday Theme

You’ll be the envy of every South Park fan

Do you have a South Park fan with a birthday coming up? You can give him or her a birthday party that will be the envy of the neighborhood. You’ll actually be amazed at how affordable a South Park birthday theme actually is.

Decorations can certainly be bought, however you can also create your own by using some thick construction paper, colored pins, scissors and a little imagination. Take some construction paper and cut out the shapes of famous South Park characters, then simply color them in to match their regular attire. Make sure that you have the most popular characters such as Kenny, Cartman, Kyle, Stan and maybe throw in Chef and Butters just for good measure. Once you have your South Park characters finished you can either place them on the wall separately or you can tape them side by side to make a cut out doll design.

A South Park birthday party just isn’t complete without a South Park cake. Many bakeries have South Park cakes available that can be preordered or you can just make your own. If you’d like to try making your own, there’s an easy recipe that takes minimal decorating talent that can be found at Victoria’s bakebakebake live journal, she has included step by step instructions and pictures to help you along.

As a final thought just to add a little more South Park theme to make your South Park birthday perfect you may want to consider purchasing any of the South Park soundtracks that are available. I would suggest picking up a copy of the South Park Chef Aid, though any South Park album would do. Now you have a perfect, yet affordable South Park themed birthday party.